Am I being Emotionally Abused?

Hey raven and welcome here,

Yes, you are being emotionally and verbally abused- in a very 'typical' and direct way.
No, men like this never ever change and the sooner you get away from him, the more pain you are saving yourself- and maybe potential future children.

Now that probably sounds a bit blunt given I do not know your husband, but I do see all the red flags and warning signs of an abusive personality in him.

Now it sounds like you feel stuck and uncertain about where you stand and what you might want to change - I highly recommend you calling a DV (domestic violence) hotline in your country or even a shelter in your own city. You do NOT have to give them any names or addresses, all they do is listen, give you feedback if you would like that- and also they can run you through free support options they have to offer should you ever want to use them.

Another great resource is a book called "Why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft, a very experienced therapist who has worked with abusive men and their partners for many decades.

The fact you have to hide what is really going on is one of the first huge red flags. He may not YET physically abuse you- but what if you do not do what he wants for a change or do not comply? Sooner or later he will start shoving you, punching walls, threaten verbally to use violence- and eventually use violence.

This is no way to live. This is also not a home you want to welcome a child into- or would you want your baby to be treated this way?
Why do you allow him to treat you this way? (This is not a question you have to answer to us, just for yourself- why do you allow him to do this?)

Whatever he does is NOT your fault. You have choices. The finances might seem scary right now but there is always a solution. Shelters and DV hotlines can give you contacts to free, professional legal advisers who have tons of experience in this. You can be assured that you are not the first woman to wake up married and owning a house with a man who slowly turns into this enemy you share a bed with.

You do not have to continue living like this. See a professional counselor if you can as well- those can really be a lifeline.

I hope that helped a bit- we understand leaving is hard and you do not have to make any decisions tonight or tomorrow.
Gather information, read up on terms like

- traumatic bonding/stockholme syndrome
- honeymoon phase/cycle of violence
- love addiction/codependency
-verbal/emtional/physical abuse


You have a right to be here and share your story -- most victims first feel like their situation is 'not as bad and not REALLY buse."
You do not need to show up at the ER with a broken arm before it is abuse.

Emotional and verbal abuse can have often much more mean, subtle results- such as depression, anxiety, low self esteem, feeling like 'you go crazy' etc.

You had a great life before you met him. He never took that ability to be free and independent from you.
Abusers love the 'challenge' of a strong woman often. They see how you slowly break down and enjoy ending up controlling every aspect of your life. From your social life to sexual and spiritual etc.

My Ex used to tell me I misbehaved when we went out and had drinks with friends. I used to believe him first- then I realized I was totally fine- HE had said all that to make me feel like I was crazy and to keep me at home and under his control.


We are here to listen and are glad you find this a safe place to share your story with!!