Post by janine on Aug 22, 2014 16:44:53 GMT
Ugh, so here we go. Some of you have had similar experiences and it is so hard to explain to outsiders.
My mother has been especially emotionally abusive- and we have little to no contact as of 2012. Her main 'show' was usually crying crocodile tears and complaining about her 'financial existential crisis'-- and I just got an email from her where she boasts about her 'three times a year long distance trips' and countless little trips to visit 'old and new friends and your brother and stepsister."
Now all of this might sound normal to the regular ear. But given her history of manipulating, of having broken her relationships with her own sister (my aunt), my stepfather's sister (my other aunt), my stepbrother and many, many more-- including having a very rough relationship with my sister in law, who only does it for her kids- to give them a grandmother experience-- I just cannot believe how creative abusers get and how convinced they are of themselves, and their own actions.
Had I not discovered the abuse in my family, I might still be dating abusive men and had not broken out of that habit many years ago.
Live is all good now, but whenever I get those emails with the 'hidden agenda' it feels like a setback.
What mother cries to her kids about feeling their studies and them not finding a job fast enough after college is soooo bad and causes a crisis, then turns around and boasts about their nonstop, expensive travels (mind you the fancy, paid-off downtown condo) and how perfect everyone else (but you as the 'problem daughter') gets along with them and seeks their company.
It so sick, manipulative and distorted I want to scream at them and shake them.
Of course I will never do that. I work on myself and find ways to deal with it.
But boy, whenever this happens, I feel SO much relief that there is a way to look through an abuser's game. It may still hurt at times, but you learn so much about humans and how they try and make you think YOU are going crazy, YOU are being 'too sensitive' and YOUR memory is 'bad'--
Luckily I already know fro my sister in law how she hates visiting my mom and stepfather- and how her kids got actually very, very sick with an unexplained fever right after they came back from visiting my mom. Of course my mother would also never tell me, that 2 out of the 4 days they had my brother and his family visit, they actually did not even see them as they chose to visit my aunt (who does not talk to my mother anymore).....
It is JUST 100% like my abusive ex boyfriend from years ago.
You leave and create boundaries and they first get angry at you, blame you even more for standing up to THEIR abuse.....and then they pretend everything is picture perfect and you must be the black sheep. At the same time also not really caring. She ignored all of my birthdays for years- has not even given me as much as a postcard for one very big one just this year, oh and forget about gifts or asking of I could need some help with my current graduate studies. Nope. But it is all sooo great and they barely have time for anything since they are in such high demand and so many people love them.
Why am I surprised, I should know better.
Thanks for listening
My mother has been especially emotionally abusive- and we have little to no contact as of 2012. Her main 'show' was usually crying crocodile tears and complaining about her 'financial existential crisis'-- and I just got an email from her where she boasts about her 'three times a year long distance trips' and countless little trips to visit 'old and new friends and your brother and stepsister."
Now all of this might sound normal to the regular ear. But given her history of manipulating, of having broken her relationships with her own sister (my aunt), my stepfather's sister (my other aunt), my stepbrother and many, many more-- including having a very rough relationship with my sister in law, who only does it for her kids- to give them a grandmother experience-- I just cannot believe how creative abusers get and how convinced they are of themselves, and their own actions.
Had I not discovered the abuse in my family, I might still be dating abusive men and had not broken out of that habit many years ago.
Live is all good now, but whenever I get those emails with the 'hidden agenda' it feels like a setback.
What mother cries to her kids about feeling their studies and them not finding a job fast enough after college is soooo bad and causes a crisis, then turns around and boasts about their nonstop, expensive travels (mind you the fancy, paid-off downtown condo) and how perfect everyone else (but you as the 'problem daughter') gets along with them and seeks their company.
It so sick, manipulative and distorted I want to scream at them and shake them.
Of course I will never do that. I work on myself and find ways to deal with it.
But boy, whenever this happens, I feel SO much relief that there is a way to look through an abuser's game. It may still hurt at times, but you learn so much about humans and how they try and make you think YOU are going crazy, YOU are being 'too sensitive' and YOUR memory is 'bad'--
Luckily I already know fro my sister in law how she hates visiting my mom and stepfather- and how her kids got actually very, very sick with an unexplained fever right after they came back from visiting my mom. Of course my mother would also never tell me, that 2 out of the 4 days they had my brother and his family visit, they actually did not even see them as they chose to visit my aunt (who does not talk to my mother anymore).....
It is JUST 100% like my abusive ex boyfriend from years ago.
You leave and create boundaries and they first get angry at you, blame you even more for standing up to THEIR abuse.....and then they pretend everything is picture perfect and you must be the black sheep. At the same time also not really caring. She ignored all of my birthdays for years- has not even given me as much as a postcard for one very big one just this year, oh and forget about gifts or asking of I could need some help with my current graduate studies. Nope. But it is all sooo great and they barely have time for anything since they are in such high demand and so many people love them.
Why am I surprised, I should know better.
Thanks for listening
