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Post by Janine 1984 on Dec 18, 2013 16:20:41 GMT
I have been out of an abusive relationship for 3 years and 5 months. I would really like to write about something that happened a couple of months ago. I think he came on my property with his new girlfriend! My neighbor lady across the street had her annual Fall party. Ex-boyfriend came to party with his new girlfriend. I overheard him muttering something about 'Going across the street'. (well, I live across the street) Later on when the party ended, a party goer approached me and was trying to tell me something about 'across the street'. I couldn't hear him because the party was loud. I asked him to speak up, and he shook his head and said Nevermind. Well, what happened? This party goer was trying to tell me something! I brought it up to my neighbor lady and she said she will ask him next time she talks to him. I asked her again and she snapped at me! I never found out what happened. It really bothers me cause that guy at party really was trying to tell me something!
I gotta point out that my ex-boyfriend tracked me down on internet months ago and posted a comment to me here on this website. I gotta wonder if he was seeing his girlfriend at the same time he was harassing me on internet cause he was very kissy-kissy with her at party. Seemed like they were seeing each other for sometime.
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Post by Janine 1984 on Dec 18, 2013 16:25:41 GMT
Hey Jeannie,
I hope it's ok I posted your entry up here as a new one because i find if all messages are in one cluster they easily get overlooked.
Very happy to hear you are a few years out of the abusive relationship. It must have been quite a shock still to see him at that party! Is there any way you can avoid going to social events where he might show up for a while? They often try to use these events to get back at you- even years later - because their ego is just that big and they want to prove to you and the world that they are 'good" by showing off a new girlfriend. Truth is he will abuse her too (sadly) and the only way to get him out of your life for good is what you did- to never react to those attempts of making contact with you again.
In that way abusers are like little children sometimes- asking for attention by being obnoxious (of course little children are never at fault for doing it, however with adults that is just a sign of immaturity and control strategies)
Pat yourself on the back for leaving him. You have a new chance at a good life now- all wide open. Remind yourself of the horror he brought into your life back then and you wont even care what the one person at the party wanted to say to you because deep deep down...you do no longer care about a man who controlled you and wanted to break you.
He never got the best of you and your inner core has always been strong and every day away you grow stronger. Welcome back here!! Iam sure your contributions can help other women who are at the start of their journey out of abuse!!
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Post by HH Lindsey on Dec 26, 2013 22:30:49 GMT
Even if you are not quite sure what happened back then and what his intentions were. I would say to write it down and in a similar way, write everything down whenever he happens to have anything to do with your life. For a start, it will give you a picture of what is happening and you might see it in a different light, but on the other hand, if he continues, you might have ground to get an order against him preventing him from going anywhere near your house.
Can imagine it was a bit freaky!
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steve
Member
Admin
Posts: 266
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Post by steve on Dec 28, 2013 4:31:51 GMT
He's super creepy, but remember that his reward is you getting upset. So find out the information if you can do so discreetly, but don't make a scene, because it will just encourage him. I agree about the harassment order if he keeps it up. My hope is that it was a one-off when he was drunk, and he'll constrain himself to abusing his new victim, oops, I mean girlfriend. Perhaps we should just use the term victim here - you and I both know that's what she is and will continue to be. I feel sorry for her, even though she doesn't see it yet, she's in for big trouble.
And did I mention he's super creepy?
Hang in there!
--- Steve
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Post by jeannie812 on Apr 21, 2014 1:56:26 GMT
Thank you people for responding to this post. I just found it tonight. That Jim, hasn't bothered me since, but I know he will if the opportunity comes up, cause he already did it after 3 years and then months after that at neighbors party! He is nuts!
Yes, it is like dealing with a child. But that big kid is 6'2 and over 300 lbs. And he is crafty.
I have no worries about him. Yet I really should keep my radar up cause he is still lurking. He has already showed me that. I am busy with life, wish that guy would get one!
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Post by Janine 1984 on Apr 21, 2014 15:00:49 GMT
They always lurk, don't they. Luckily my abusive ex lives far away but he did send me messages through new facebook accounts 3 years after I had left him. It was comical at that time- i did not reply and blocked any persona he made up online. and changed my facebook so that nobody but my friends can send me messages.
Keep your radar up and steve is right- the new victim will be his main target. they only actively come lurking back when they are single or find flaws in the new victim they control. nothing we can ever do about it.
the last thing i told my abusive ex over my phone before i tossed it literally in a garbage bin with the SIM card cut apart was: i know you will never stop and i wish all the women you encounter and abuse until you die that they too have the strength to toss you out.
the best "revenge" and way to freedom is living a good, busy life. you seem to be great at doing that!!!! and those moments when you do run into an abusive ex are weird but pass....it all passes too.
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Post by jeannie812 on May 9, 2014 3:11:18 GMT
Yes, they do pass. I am currently not looking. I talk to guys, but nothing interests me. I am happy to spring plant. Plus I figured out a great recipe for a super healthy juice! Use a blender. Throw in dandelion greens, burdock root, broadleaf plaintain, wild viola, and any other edible weeds. Add in V8 Spicy Hot juice into blender. The heat and flavor from V8 Spicy Hot juice will kill the bitterness of wild edibles. I also added carrots, celery, fresh parsley, lemon juice, pepper flakes, celery seed (spice), garlic, green onion, tomato. I only drink one or two cups a day. Cause this is fiber overload! but healthy!
And a healthy tea for keeping hydrated while working in the yard. Just put different types of tea bags in glass jar with fresh mint leaves, to make sun tea. Place it in sun. Once brewed put the tea bags in compost, and add raw honey and lemon to the tea. refrigerate and makes a perfect drink while working in yard
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