Post by no1toturnto on Aug 3, 2014 9:15:09 GMT
Left a very abusive husband about 8 yrs ago now.it was sexual,physical and psychological.He was very manipulative.He does see the kids and uses this as a tool still to try to have a little bit of control and play his games.
When we first broke up he knew that when he saw the kids that was the only time I had chance to have any social life.It still is now to a point.He also uses money(as he's fiddled the system so he only gives csa £5 a week) yet earns £35,000 a yr.so I ask for money for pocket money for them and to put towards their school trips etc.Even to put towards their birthday presents as he does not buy any himself.
Anyway over the last 8 yrs he has still had a bit of control.In that he will moan about the most stupid things.Like when I drop the kids to him I must stay around their for a little while.After a while I managed to stop this.But then he would pick holes in everything I do.when I drop kids around as I was leaving( I had already said goodbye to kids and was sat in my car)I replied to a text.He said that I was a bad mother for doing that.That normal mothers natural instinct is to want to wave goodbye to their children not answer a text.That texts can wait.That my youngest was very upset with this.I asked her about it.She said she wasn't.(btw I did wave to them after replying to text)
I disputed this with him.It would escalate to the point where he would say if you're going to be like that I won't have kids anymore.I would then apologise.(even tho I didn't want to).Because by him seeing the kids its the only break I get.The only time I get to socialise with my friends.I don't want to lose that now as I know having friends etc keeps me strong.So anyway this is the typical cycle.That he will find fault.make a mountain out of molehill.Have a go at me.Then refuse to see children if I didn't apologise.
Recently he has done it again.This time he had taken girls away for weekend.when he came back there were a few items missing from their stuff.(He has lost kids stuff in the past at my expense).I text him saying that a swimming costume,a ds and a scooter were missing.he replied saying he'd look later as he was in work but that he had already text youngest saying he had her scooter.I replied ok but she hadn't told me about scooter.And could he poss text me next time.(his rule is that we text each other not kids about stuff.As he's had a go at me in the past for this.so he's breaking his own rule).I then discovered swimming costume had been thrown just inside front door(not with rest of kids things).Also that my eldest had taken her ds to her friends.so nothing was missing.
He then has a go at me.saying I falsely accused him of having their stuff(yet the text just says there seems to be 3 items missing).That nothing was missing.That I should apologise.To keep the peace I apologise for something I feel actually is normal human error.
So two weeks on and after texting asking could he poss give me the money towards kids pocket money I get the silent treatment.find Ive been blocked on wattsapp.I don't know what Ive supposedly done.He then finally calls me.Says right you will listen to me.(again he thinks he has control cos I want something).He starts on about the recent issue about missing items.saying how I falsely accused him.That he had to stop work to answer text(No he didn't. Thats upto him if he wants to answer text straight away) and that there was nothing missing.I then say well firstly ive apologised and actually there was something missing .the scooter because you never told me.your rule is to tell me.He then says your interupting me(another tactic he uses).I then say ok I'll listen.He then says no forget about it.I'm not going to tell you problem now(another tactic) It escalates.
So this time(i've never done this before)I tell him to f off Ive had years off this.That if he wants to see his kids thats his decision.stop using it as a tool.That if he wants to give money towards kids pocket money etc.Thats upto him.But that they will suffer not me.He should be a father to them.That I am not being controlled in any way by him anymore.And that also he obv can't let go of issues(something again I was always being accused of)
He then hung up.
All I can say now is that I'm getting silent treatment.he is conversing thro text to kids but not me(which is fine).But can I just wanted to check with the forum because I do still self doubt myself after all these yrs.He was making a mountain out of a molehill wasn't he.Its normal human error where actually normally someone shouldn't have to apologise. even tho I did.
When we first broke up he knew that when he saw the kids that was the only time I had chance to have any social life.It still is now to a point.He also uses money(as he's fiddled the system so he only gives csa £5 a week) yet earns £35,000 a yr.so I ask for money for pocket money for them and to put towards their school trips etc.Even to put towards their birthday presents as he does not buy any himself.
Anyway over the last 8 yrs he has still had a bit of control.In that he will moan about the most stupid things.Like when I drop the kids to him I must stay around their for a little while.After a while I managed to stop this.But then he would pick holes in everything I do.when I drop kids around as I was leaving( I had already said goodbye to kids and was sat in my car)I replied to a text.He said that I was a bad mother for doing that.That normal mothers natural instinct is to want to wave goodbye to their children not answer a text.That texts can wait.That my youngest was very upset with this.I asked her about it.She said she wasn't.(btw I did wave to them after replying to text)
I disputed this with him.It would escalate to the point where he would say if you're going to be like that I won't have kids anymore.I would then apologise.(even tho I didn't want to).Because by him seeing the kids its the only break I get.The only time I get to socialise with my friends.I don't want to lose that now as I know having friends etc keeps me strong.So anyway this is the typical cycle.That he will find fault.make a mountain out of molehill.Have a go at me.Then refuse to see children if I didn't apologise.
Recently he has done it again.This time he had taken girls away for weekend.when he came back there were a few items missing from their stuff.(He has lost kids stuff in the past at my expense).I text him saying that a swimming costume,a ds and a scooter were missing.he replied saying he'd look later as he was in work but that he had already text youngest saying he had her scooter.I replied ok but she hadn't told me about scooter.And could he poss text me next time.(his rule is that we text each other not kids about stuff.As he's had a go at me in the past for this.so he's breaking his own rule).I then discovered swimming costume had been thrown just inside front door(not with rest of kids things).Also that my eldest had taken her ds to her friends.so nothing was missing.
He then has a go at me.saying I falsely accused him of having their stuff(yet the text just says there seems to be 3 items missing).That nothing was missing.That I should apologise.To keep the peace I apologise for something I feel actually is normal human error.
So two weeks on and after texting asking could he poss give me the money towards kids pocket money I get the silent treatment.find Ive been blocked on wattsapp.I don't know what Ive supposedly done.He then finally calls me.Says right you will listen to me.(again he thinks he has control cos I want something).He starts on about the recent issue about missing items.saying how I falsely accused him.That he had to stop work to answer text(No he didn't. Thats upto him if he wants to answer text straight away) and that there was nothing missing.I then say well firstly ive apologised and actually there was something missing .the scooter because you never told me.your rule is to tell me.He then says your interupting me(another tactic he uses).I then say ok I'll listen.He then says no forget about it.I'm not going to tell you problem now(another tactic) It escalates.
So this time(i've never done this before)I tell him to f off Ive had years off this.That if he wants to see his kids thats his decision.stop using it as a tool.That if he wants to give money towards kids pocket money etc.Thats upto him.But that they will suffer not me.He should be a father to them.That I am not being controlled in any way by him anymore.And that also he obv can't let go of issues(something again I was always being accused of)
He then hung up.
All I can say now is that I'm getting silent treatment.he is conversing thro text to kids but not me(which is fine).But can I just wanted to check with the forum because I do still self doubt myself after all these yrs.He was making a mountain out of a molehill wasn't he.Its normal human error where actually normally someone shouldn't have to apologise. even tho I did.
