Post by tsf on Jul 11, 2014 23:59:52 GMT
Hi all, I don't really know what to say here but I'm really alone and just don't know what to do, so any advice or support would mean a lot to me, particularly as a 30 year old man as I feel completely ashamed and have lost all my confidence because my wife is punching me, hurting me and quite honestly I am scared of her.
I got married about 18 months ago, in doing so I moved from the place I lived all my life and used almost all of my life savings to buy a house with my wife. I was then diagnosed with something called fibromyalgia which is an incurable condition that leaves me in pain, constantly tired and suffering from depression, which has left me unable to work. I have always suffered from ill health and from being a very sensitive person without confidence, for example bullies ruined my high school years for bullying me about my ill health, so any type of attack on me hurts me very badly which my wife is very aware of.
Everything has not been helped by my wife. She is very overpowering and belittles me on a daily basis. She keeps calling me useless, swears at me and I am constantly being blamed for things. The worst thing is that she very often hits me, she has punched me on the head, on the back, pretty much everywhere and says its my fault I am being hit, when I've not even done anything wrong and she tries to justify it by saying I have done something. For the last week, I have been unable to sleep on one side of my head as my left temple is still sore from where she hit me last week. This has gone on for months. For example even when we got back from honeymoon, the next day she punched me and then as I tried to go to the door to get away from her, she stood at the door not letting me out. I told her I am frightened of her and she seemed to get some sort of satisfaction out of it. Anytime she starts punching me, I just want to get out of the room and most of the time she doesn't let me as she stands at the door.
She has made me lose contact with almost all of my friends as she expects me to spend all my time with her and I have let this happen because I have given into her because its just not worth the hassle of speaking to people or spending time with them. When I am outside with her, I spend all my time with my head down in case someone looks at me or talks to me, if my eyes are up she says that I am looking at another woman (which I wouldn't be doing) and if we are watching tv, I have to look away anytime a woman is on screen because she will automatically say I fancy them, which again is just not true. For example, I was watching the World Cup last week, a goal was scored, I was waiting to see a replay, a woman came on screen, I didn't look away as I was waiting for the replay and she started shouting at me and called me all the names under the sun, I then walked out, she came into the kitchen where I was sitting and punched me repeatedly on the side of the head, the incident that I referred to earlier where I still have a sore head from it. She has tried to isolate me from everything and I am basically not allowed to go out without her. But yet, its ok for her to go out, talk to people and if we are in company, she acts like a completely different person rather than the person who hits me. So no one would believe me if I told them.
I try my very best every single day despite the health problems I have but she expects me to do everything around the house and that includes cleaning up mess that she makes. I feel I am being used, I just feel empty. I am struggling very badly physically and mentally. I am on Citalopram for my depression and I just feel so sad. Here is a woman that is supposed to love me but just wants to hit me and make me feel this way. I have always had low self esteem and it is just getting worse. I just don't want to be alone but even now in a marriage, I feel alone. I'm really scared and I don't know what to do, I have never experienced any sort of domestic abuse before I met her and I feel totally worthless because of her. Yet I don't feel I can leave, I don't want to be on my own but the thought that keeps going through my head is how are you supposed to love someone that does this and makes you feel worse than anyone has ever done because of the name calling, the punching and the isolation that she is doing to me While we were in bed tonight, she punched me because I had phoned my Mum tonight (who has health problems and my Dad was out tonight and I was checking to see if she was ok) rather than sit watching tv for half an hour with her, telling me I was rude for not sitting with her and that I was selfish and repeatedly saying I hate you and swearing at me and calling me a waste of space. It breaks my heart and every time she has an argument with me, she says she hates me, swears and punches. I'm stupid enough to just take it because I just want her to stop. She then went to sleep and I managed to sneak out of bed, come downstairs and I hate to admit it but I was in tears for 20 minutes. I then knew I had to find some sort of forum about domestic abuse and I found this.
So for anyone reading this, thank you for letting me onto your forum and allowing me to feel I'm not alone. It breaks my heart that any of you have gone through similar things to me and thank you so much for reading this. If you have read all of this (I don't know why anyone would), I'm sorry for rambling on like this. My brain just feels totally scrambled.
All I want is to be treated like a human being, I am a kind person with a big heart and I don't say anything bad about anyone, no matter what they say about me and its leaving me broken, I just want to be loved and to not be hurt, I just look at the world and think why is this happening to me
I got married about 18 months ago, in doing so I moved from the place I lived all my life and used almost all of my life savings to buy a house with my wife. I was then diagnosed with something called fibromyalgia which is an incurable condition that leaves me in pain, constantly tired and suffering from depression, which has left me unable to work. I have always suffered from ill health and from being a very sensitive person without confidence, for example bullies ruined my high school years for bullying me about my ill health, so any type of attack on me hurts me very badly which my wife is very aware of.
Everything has not been helped by my wife. She is very overpowering and belittles me on a daily basis. She keeps calling me useless, swears at me and I am constantly being blamed for things. The worst thing is that she very often hits me, she has punched me on the head, on the back, pretty much everywhere and says its my fault I am being hit, when I've not even done anything wrong and she tries to justify it by saying I have done something. For the last week, I have been unable to sleep on one side of my head as my left temple is still sore from where she hit me last week. This has gone on for months. For example even when we got back from honeymoon, the next day she punched me and then as I tried to go to the door to get away from her, she stood at the door not letting me out. I told her I am frightened of her and she seemed to get some sort of satisfaction out of it. Anytime she starts punching me, I just want to get out of the room and most of the time she doesn't let me as she stands at the door.
She has made me lose contact with almost all of my friends as she expects me to spend all my time with her and I have let this happen because I have given into her because its just not worth the hassle of speaking to people or spending time with them. When I am outside with her, I spend all my time with my head down in case someone looks at me or talks to me, if my eyes are up she says that I am looking at another woman (which I wouldn't be doing) and if we are watching tv, I have to look away anytime a woman is on screen because she will automatically say I fancy them, which again is just not true. For example, I was watching the World Cup last week, a goal was scored, I was waiting to see a replay, a woman came on screen, I didn't look away as I was waiting for the replay and she started shouting at me and called me all the names under the sun, I then walked out, she came into the kitchen where I was sitting and punched me repeatedly on the side of the head, the incident that I referred to earlier where I still have a sore head from it. She has tried to isolate me from everything and I am basically not allowed to go out without her. But yet, its ok for her to go out, talk to people and if we are in company, she acts like a completely different person rather than the person who hits me. So no one would believe me if I told them.
I try my very best every single day despite the health problems I have but she expects me to do everything around the house and that includes cleaning up mess that she makes. I feel I am being used, I just feel empty. I am struggling very badly physically and mentally. I am on Citalopram for my depression and I just feel so sad. Here is a woman that is supposed to love me but just wants to hit me and make me feel this way. I have always had low self esteem and it is just getting worse. I just don't want to be alone but even now in a marriage, I feel alone. I'm really scared and I don't know what to do, I have never experienced any sort of domestic abuse before I met her and I feel totally worthless because of her. Yet I don't feel I can leave, I don't want to be on my own but the thought that keeps going through my head is how are you supposed to love someone that does this and makes you feel worse than anyone has ever done because of the name calling, the punching and the isolation that she is doing to me While we were in bed tonight, she punched me because I had phoned my Mum tonight (who has health problems and my Dad was out tonight and I was checking to see if she was ok) rather than sit watching tv for half an hour with her, telling me I was rude for not sitting with her and that I was selfish and repeatedly saying I hate you and swearing at me and calling me a waste of space. It breaks my heart and every time she has an argument with me, she says she hates me, swears and punches. I'm stupid enough to just take it because I just want her to stop. She then went to sleep and I managed to sneak out of bed, come downstairs and I hate to admit it but I was in tears for 20 minutes. I then knew I had to find some sort of forum about domestic abuse and I found this.
So for anyone reading this, thank you for letting me onto your forum and allowing me to feel I'm not alone. It breaks my heart that any of you have gone through similar things to me and thank you so much for reading this. If you have read all of this (I don't know why anyone would), I'm sorry for rambling on like this. My brain just feels totally scrambled.
All I want is to be treated like a human being, I am a kind person with a big heart and I don't say anything bad about anyone, no matter what they say about me and its leaving me broken, I just want to be loved and to not be hurt, I just look at the world and think why is this happening to me