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Post by crystal on Jul 3, 2014 18:15:15 GMT
Things have moved on a bit since my last e-mail. I messed up a fee note and added around £10-20k on to it by mistake. I tried to sort it out but still could not get the figures right. I bumped into the employment partner on the stairs and told him and burst into tears.
He took me into a meeting room with another partner who I like and trust and said we all have off days and maybe this is one or maybe I am still wanting to leave like I indicated to him last week when we had a discussion about a possible package if I did decide to leave.
The package is three months pay in lieu of notice and they would pay off my credit debt of £3k tax free but obviously he would have to discuss this with others in the firm before it could be confirmed.
I replied that I would have to really think hard about the package and discuss it with family at the weekend and he was fine with that. He said they are not forcing me out of the door and I don't have to take the package and can just stay and carry on.
We left it that I would go home for the day, come back tomorrow if I feel fit enough and we could speak in the morning or I can liaise with Anya next week as he is on holiday but still contactable by e-mail.
I don't know what to do. Its becoming harder and harder to go in there and try and cope. I know this has to be absolutely my decision though so have to think long and hard.
Diane
My family and a close friend say to go for it - a friend on facebook who used to be a nurse on the ward I was on said no and then he just disappeared from chat
Diane
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steve
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Post by steve on Jul 3, 2014 20:36:42 GMT
It is your call. It depends a lot on how you want your life to look. What are the pros and cons?
--- Steve
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Post by crystal on Jul 10, 2014 20:41:59 GMT
Pros Won't feel sick first thing in the morning or on Sunday night. Waking up wishing it was 5pm. I won't be working in an environment where people know I have mental health problems after the abuse. I can get a fresh start once i am ready to look for work even if its temporary. I won't feel like people are watchting me.
Cons I have to get a job when I feel able.
Since my last post I have accepted the package, got a solicitor, an old boss of mine who is a specialist in employment law. Just waiting for the Settlement Agreement to come through.
Since my last post I have done some really silly/destructive things, not sure whether to post. Someone has referred me to the duty Social Work Team not sure why but they say I can call in at thier drop in times to discuss my current difficulties, not sure whether to go or not but guess it can't help to go and see what they say. I slept in today and missed my psych appt. My CPN called me today to see how I am and I said fine but told her I had left work so she said we will have a lot to talk about on Wednesday. I like her and don't feel she judges me so will tell her everything.
Not sure if all of this is the right thing to post as its not DV related??
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janine
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Post by janine on Jul 10, 2014 21:13:56 GMT
you are ALWAYS welcome here dianem.
And I honestly think this has a lot to do with DV as one side effect of PTSD can be serious depression and/or anxiety. I BET there are right now a ton of DV victims too scared to post and who get deep comfort from seeing how you are dealing with depression and how hard you work on getting better. Even IF the depression is unrelated to your DV experiences, so what!?! It still might leave you/has left you in the past/ more vulnerable to abusive predators and you sharing your story is brave and courageous!!
I am just very proud of you for getting help and taking decisive steps to help yourself. And for being so honest to yourself and now your counselor about what is going on! We are here if you need an ear. Always.
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Post by crystal on Jul 15, 2014 19:22:08 GMT
Thank you Janine your reply meant a lot to me.
Today I went to see my solicitor and old boss of mine, he was so nice gave me a kiss is reception god knows what the receptiontist thought but we have known each other for over 14 years. Agreement signed just waiting for date that money will come through. Told him I had PTSD he was very understanding and sent the signed Agreement by delivery today.
I met my friend for lunch that also left the place and we wandered about the shops a bit, but I only just bought my sister's birthday present for Sunday, hope its enough.
I've been crying a lot tonight not sure why. I want someone to hold me and tell me things are okay - he always said i would lose this job
I have my CPN tomorrow at 1pm and not sure how this is going to go as she knows I have packed my job in but does she know I tried to jump off the bridge in town twice in one night, probably does, worried I might end up IP.
How can I help people on here when I am such a mess? I think I should stop posting. This is the wrong forum for this??
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janine
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Post by janine on Jul 15, 2014 19:37:06 GMT
As long as YOU !!! feel posting here is comfortable and feels right, THAT is how long you want to post here. So just know, again, you are always welcome. I am glad you are getting professional mental health care support for your suicidal thoughts and attempts, because none of us are certified counselors and in general we always encourage anyone here to involve a mental health professional as soon as possible, no matter what the situation is. Stop worrying about this forum!!!!! (none of us own it anyways and we ALL are just guests) and focus on your own healing. Even IF some weird anonymous people online were to not want someone on a forum, it really does not matter, does it!! Years ago I used to post her about every single nightmare I had about my abusive Ex and also wondered if people got tired of it or if I did not have the 'right' to be here. It is normal to think that but just know there is NO reason ever to worry about this place. YOU matter. You matter to us and you matter to your family and friends and also coworkers it sounds like! The break from a job will be great for healing and I am sure counseling and anything else you are doing to heal will slowly guide you back to a life that is more life affirming and positive and meaningful. Hope tomorrow goes well and that you feel refreshed and renewed soon!
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Post by crystal on Jul 15, 2014 20:27:09 GMT
Thank you Janine for your reply, still crying on and off but maybe reality of my situation coming out. Will go and see CPN tomorrow and see what she says. I think I maybe do need a bit of a break from working but all I do is sleep if I have nothing planned. Need to get myself together and plan to do things as my flat is such a mess.
I know I matter to a lot of people in life and I care about all of them as well. I'm just so mixed up, will post after my appt. tomorrow. Thank you again, it feels good someone cares,
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