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Jul 10, 2014 17:45:29 GMT
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Post by orange on Jul 10, 2014 17:45:29 GMT
Last night was very bad. I don't want to put details, but it wasn't good at all. He's now being super nice. He's saying I should leave him and go to a womans shelter because i deserve better. At first I was all for it, then yet again had a panic attack and assked him not to leave. He's staying tonight so I can rethink things. He says he wants me to be strong and let him do the right thing. I'm scared to leave, scared to stay. I know he's sneaked up on me online , so i'm nervous about this site. But I've already wrote this much and I get the urge to write here. Am I putting myself in further crap by writing here? I just don't understand? He wants me to end it now? I didn't think abusive people would do that? He's telling me I'm strong enough and I only think I'm not because of him!
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janine
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Post by janine on Jul 10, 2014 19:11:51 GMT
Always delete your browser history so he cannot see which sites you visited.
And sometimes abusers DO say "you should leave me" etc. so that they can further manipulate YOU into thinking 'he is not so bad, he is a good catch and if i let him go now, he finds someone else and i will not."
Is your phone charged again? Can you call a shelter just to check what options they have with it when he is not home? It is all about him at the moment, what about YOU? Your right to happiness, to healing....
Reach out and dont give up. There is free counseling for all of your problems and there is a way out.
You were not born to live like this, you are worthy and you have a purpose on this planet.
Your life is meaningful and valuable!!!!
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Post by crystal on Jul 10, 2014 20:52:12 GMT
Janine is right you deserve better than him, sounds like he is playing mind games they are very good at that, trying to make it sound like it is you that is wrong and it definitely it not. Like Janine said delete your browser history.
Take care x
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steve
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Post by steve on Jul 11, 2014 5:12:51 GMT
Even he is recognizing you deserve better. That should tell you something. Take his advice.
You said you had a panic attack: what were you worried would happen if he left? Getting a sense of what you'd lose if he left can be a big help in finding a way to get away from him.
It is not rare that abusers have a seeming "moment of insight" after abusing you. Sometimes, I think they may have some momentary regret, because somewhere inside, they do realize that you DO deserve better. But it won't last long. Once he feels you are back under his control, once you are both back on script, that moment of insight is completely forgotten.
On the other hand, some do it for exactly the reason that they think it will make you react the other way. I've seen abusers actually leave for days or weeks without a word, waiting for the victim to beg him to come back again. They really do know your "buttons" well enough to anticipate what you will do. He may have realized that telling you to leave would create an anxiety attack for you and make you decide not to leave after all.
Bottom line, you DO deserve better. It is terrifying to leave, but even if staying seems safer, you know that it will not get any better, and will probably get worse and worse. Sometimes, it gets to the point where you simply want to "bite the bullet" and get away, regardless of the pain. It is hard to say where that point is for any person, but it seems to me like you are close to that line. You seem to know that leaving is the only way to stop the abuse, but you are still too scared to do it.
One thing that can help is to start planning an exit, even if you aren't ready to go yet. Ask yourself, "If I left, where would I go." Come up with some options. Then move to, "How much money would I need, and where would I get it?" Maybe you start squirreling away some money bit by bit. Every step you take helps get you a little bit closer to your goal.
As I think I said before, "Leaving is a process, not an event." Keep walking forward, baby step by baby step, and one day, you will be out.
You CAN do this!
---- Steve
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Post by Finally Free on Jul 11, 2014 16:43:03 GMT
Hi Orange, sometimes it has to get very bad before we realise we have no option but to go, stay strong, you deserve happiness and love, this is not love from him, just manipulation...having the courage to finally leave my abusive husband was so hard at first but god I am happy now...I never thought I could cope without a good family behind me etc but you do find a way to cope and I never thought id be this happy.....you are getting there !!
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Change?
Jul 15, 2014 22:20:44 GMT
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Post by orange on Jul 15, 2014 22:20:44 GMT
I'm just depressed right now...
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