|
|
Post by april on Jun 9, 2014 4:55:02 GMT
Hello..I was a member under another name but can't seem to log in but anyhow I was in 2 abusive marriage relationships ..and I left the first on after 10 years and then the second for 8 years ...I have a long story so I am going to just leave out the many details...I met someone after I threw out my ex husband of 8 years ..and met someone a few months later ..He ended up being terrible even more and he was living with me and my children after 1 month of dating ..of course he abused me mentally and physically ..but I have experienced something I wasn't used to in a abusive relationship. .He had sex with me while sleeping and most of the time it was anal..I told him when I caught him I don't like it and he stopped for a little while but then started again and did it almost every night ...I was so exhausted at night because he only let me sleep a few hours a night and I worked a full time job..but I did catch him a few times doing this to me while asleep..I am having a very difficult time understanding and coping with this ..He recently got something stuck in me and I woke up having to use the restroom and him telling me he needs to get it out..I am very humiliated and feel so gross for what all he has done to me..I feel so violated and I don't know how to even deal with it...I wish he would have just hit me more cause what he has done has got me very confused on how to deal with how I feel ..I called the police and got him out cause I couldn't deal with him any longer so he is gone but now I am stuck feeling this way and no idea how to deal or over on from it...3rd abusive relationship and this one was worse than Al the others ..because of this. We were only together 9 months but it has done so much damage ..I just feel numb now..what do I do to move on?
|
|
|
|
Post by april on Jun 9, 2014 5:24:46 GMT
I also want to say how extremely angry and how much hate I have for him..I trusted him after telling him of my past marriages and he did this to me physically mentally and sexually..and we don't talk anymore but I feel like I want him to pay for what he has done to me...I wish I could press charges ..I want him to hurt .and I am not a mean person in any means but this has made me very bitter towards him and life..it's not fair that he can get away with damaging me this way and move on with his life and it has cause me to feel frozen in my life emotionally ..I can't even cry about it..I don't want him to have control of my emotions any more but he still does because what he has done ..I have 5 awesome kids and I need to over on from this but do not know how
|
|
janine
Member
Admin
Posts: 1,185 
|
Post by janine on Jun 9, 2014 12:26:40 GMT
Hey April and welcome here,
What your abusive Ex-boyfriend did must have felt in many ways like a rape and this experience can often times leave deeper scars than a slap in the face or bruises on your arms. We humans are especially vulnerable during our sleep and he took advantage of that. I am sorry you had three abusive relationships in a row, but I am very proud of you for having stood up to the last one so soon and calling the police on him. Way to go!
One thing I am concerned about is that you have to deal with all of those experiences by yourself- if you are not seeing a counselor already, this might be a good time to "pause" dating ANY man and focus on yourself and your own healing. Your children might have witnessed some of the abuse you experienced and they could suffer from post-traumatic stress just like you might. Just witnessing abuse can hurt or soul and do damage. Usually every average health insurance should cover good counseling and if you cannot afford that, domestic violence shelters and hotlines offer you always free options as well.
You can also read a few books by yourself to detect the early red flags of an abuser sooner in the future and keep your children and home safe from now on.
One good one to start with is: "why does he do that" lundy bancroft
"jerk radar" steve mccrea
"invisible heroes" belleruth naparstek
Lunday Bancroft also has a good book called "when daddy hurts mommy" should your children have witnessed or suffered abuse as well from these men.
It was NOT your fault that these men did this and they can be very deceiving and pretend to care and "save" you at the start of such a relationship. But you are smarter and you take good care of yourself. You now know that you are in a vulnerable spot in your life and that abusers can sniff that out from 4 miles away, like sharks.
Protect yourself, educate yourself about DV and get a counselor involved to work through all those traumatic events. you do not have to do all this alone.
As for the anger, I understand that very well. You NEVER receive the closure or proper justice in an abusive relationship. The betrayal sits so deep and often times victims find themselves puzzled and confused when it is over. Like an invisible train ran over them and now they are left with the aftermath, not knowing how and where to start. This is where a professional counselor can do wonders.
Let us know how you are doing, we are here.
|
|
