Has dv made me mentally ill Feb 13, 2019 12:24:39 GMT
Post by fudge123 on Feb 13, 2019 12:24:39 GMT
I’m reaching out to anyone who uses the forum because you will understand what I have been through and how I feel in a way most people can’t.
dv for me started when I was a child really, I was 16. I didn’t understand what was happening to me my parents would argue and they were both drunks but there wasn’t any violence. So when I was hit or things happened to me I didn’t understand so I would go to my mother, sisters or anyone I knew on the street. I would just blab and blab.
The truth is people became sick of me just really really sick of me. They got sick of hearing the latest thing he did to me. I think after he tried to kill me and I still went back my sister had enough of me. I suppose she was sick of the drama. It’s a little more complicated than that but ultimately that’s what I think. She stopped talking to me over 15 ish years ago. I’ve tried to reach out to her on a couple of occasions but she won’t acknowledge me. I sent her a text and I said I was sorry for what I’d done to upset her, though I didn’t know what I’d done. I told her I missed her and she was my sister and I loved her. She didn’t reply. I don’t know the reason she dosnt talk to me I just have to guess. I don’t know if she has told my mother but when I’ve asked my mother she says she dosnt know why.
My second sister did the same thing. We hadn’t talked for many years. We started to but a couple of months went by and I text her one day and asked if she was in for a visit. She didn’t return the text, she didn’t return any of the texts I sent. I asked her what was the matter what had I done but she never replied.
i fell out with my mother I felt she wasn’t supportive of me and she was with my sister and my daughter who I mention later in this very long post. She is a very difficult women. In the past if I went to her house to escape the abuse she was just as abusive. I had to lend her money or do what she wanted or she was so nasty i has no choice. I lived in her house and that’s how it was. If I cleaned up she claimed I was saying she was dirty, if I didn’t she would say look she is dirty and lazy she puts on an act. Just abuse from her.
After we had argued one time my dad told me her sisters and brothers my aunts and uncles had disowned me. Despite this stupidly
decided I would go to my nephews new child christening, my little girl wanted to go. We were waiting outside. There was a large crowd of family from both sides and my nephews and partners friends. My favourite aunt marched up to me and started saying oh I hear your not talking to me, I hear you have disowned us. I said I’ve been told it’s you who have disowned me, your not talking to me. She started calling me a lair, that I was a bullshiter. She kept saying it repeatedly. She wasn’t discreet everyone heard her we were all stood together in a crowd. I tried to stay calm but inside I felt terrible and I felt humiliated. I said I was not a lair and someone had told me they weren’t talking to me. My dad heard everything but he didn’t intervene and tell them he was the one who told me. He didn’t stop the aunt from humiliating me. I didn’t know what to do with myself and eventually I snapped back and told her it wasn’t the time or the place for her to start on me but she couldn’t help her self my uncle shouted at me but I shouted back that they had come to me and that they had started on me. My little girl was in the middle of this so I scooped her up and left. A few years later I met their son and he said I can’t believe you havnt tried to patch it up with the folks. He said he was seeing them the next day and he’d ask if I could come and see them and speak to them about what had happened. I’d told him that my dad had told me they weren’t speaking to me etc. I got a text the next day and he said it didn’t matter if I’d been lied to I’d chosen my dad over them a man who has never held down a proper job been a decent dad and they didn’t see him as a valued and good person. I wasn’t welcome to see them, they didn’t want anything more to do with me. By not speaking up that day by dropping my dad in it I’d chosen him above them. They didn’t want anything to do with me and further my cousin said had he been there that day and I shouted at his mum he would have hit me.
in 2015 I needed to have my hip replaced. I messaged my cousin through Facebook and asked if he would help out by giving me a lift. I received a message back saying he wouldn’t do anything for me and further what right did I have to ask. He was very cruel in the message and asked me who would come to my funeral. Implying well pointing out I have no one. If you ask him now about it he will claim I got angry when he refused to help and I was nasty because he declined. I don’t have access to the Facebook account any more I stopped using it after the massive fight with my eldest daughter I write about in another paragraph. I did not get angry with my cousin for refusing nor did I get nasty I was hurt not defensive. It’s true I don’t remember what I wrote in the email but I know this that cousin scares me, from the relationships he has had I suspect he is an abuser. From the conversations we have had he is also a lair. He reminds me very much if my ex. If someone refused to help why would I have a go at them you can’t make anyone help if they don’t want to. I do remember I was visiting a friend that day and I was late because I was so hurt and upset that he’d asked me who was going to go to my funeral. I remember it took along time to calm down from crying so much. I talked to her about it and she said forget him but that’s a wound like no other and not easily forgot.
One day my dad and I went shopping. I have health problems and I need help to go shopping. I didn’t want the mother to come with me and my dad. She is rude to poeple, she will say things like ‘I don’t know why I tell myself I can’t have something I have plenty of money in the bank’. She would be snappy and rude to my dad and it was difficult to hear her talk to him that way, she would be impatient with me, impatient and rude to everyone else. She would make me feel anxious and she is very depressive so it so feel like she is sucking out any good energy you felt. I don’t know how she found out my dad and I had gone shopping without her but she did. Not 5 minutes passed when we took the shopping to my house when she started texting my dad she was very abusive she said I know you have gone shopping with Tammy she accused him of taking the piss out of her. They don’t live together but do have a lot to do with each other like holidays and Christmas together. Just texting him nasty things. I didn’t get involved with the texts, I didn’t text her and she didn’t text me. We had arranged days previous that she would call me the next day, she didn’t phone me and she hasn’t phoned me since. I did text her some weeks later and said I thought it was terrible the things she had text my dad because we had gone shopping without her, but like my sisters she didn’t respond and she hasn’t to this day over a year later.
My eldest daughter played me and her dad of against each other. Despite her knowing I would be punished if she complained about me she would anyways. I once asked her to clean up after herself and she screamed out leave me alone. Of course my ex came charging in demanding to know what I’d done to her. Eventually she went to live with my mum. One day she came to visit and she told me my mum had abused her. I said you can’t live with her doing that to you maybe you better come home. I challenged her about playing me and her dad if against each other and she promised me she wouldn’t. We had that conversation twice and twice she promised not to do that to me. I set her up in the conservatory because her dad said she could have her boyfriend stay, against my wishes. There was an incident over a meal I made, she did it consciously and deliberately knowing it would cause her dad to have a go at me which he did in front of her, my other two daughters and her boyfriend. She found out this boyfriend was cheating on her so I said that’s it he couldn’t stay at the house any more. He’d been allowed to stay when he came to town for uni for free. He was told he didn’t have to contribute anything to the household. It was against my wishes but I had no say. It was causing problems with her being in the conservatory. I had a little girl who was 5 years old at ten time. I moved all her stuff into a double bedroom with her sister. When she came home and saw what I’d done she shouted at me and went back outside and sat in the car. I happened to see her dad leaning down into the car whilst he talked to her through the window. I could see straight away he was holding his shoulders that I was in danger. He came in and saw what I’d done. He was shouting at me, I’d locked the garage door which leads into the conservatory so he kicked the door down. Because he’d hit me with a machete in the past I became anxious so I though I’d better leave. Whilst I was in my bedroom trying to put some clothes on he started threatening me telling me he’d kill me he started coming at me my middle daughter held him back which allowed me to escape. I had to stay away for a few days. My middle daughter got me and my little girl the things we needed because I was to afraid to go back. A week or so later she was still in the conservatory. It was awful if I used my washing machine she would tell her dad I was doing it deliberately so she couldn’t use it, he would take my little girls clean washing from the machine and dump it on top of a dirty cupboard (machine was in the garage) one evening my middle daughter came to my bedroom and asked me if I knew the boyfriend was downstairs and was staying. I said he wasn’t staying so my ex barred the bedroom and wouldn’t let me leave. I said I’d phone the police so he let me out. I told the boyfriend that I was surprised he was here because there were family problems, I told him and my daughter that he couldn’t stay because it was inappropriate. So they did leave.
Here is where I say during times of heightened problems when I didn’t know what could happen next I would just feel like I didn’t care. He hads phoned the police on several occasions and claimed I was abusing him. No such thing was ever happening but the police would make me leave. He was smart enough to have the house in his name only. I just had feelings of well be could attack me, he could have me arrested, he could do anything but I’ve had it and I don’t care what he does to me I won’t back down. So when he said the boyfriend could still stay I stuck to no he can’t. They left.
two weeks passed and we went to a family birthday party. This boyfriend turned up. My middle daughter said im leaving I’ve bought steel cap doc martens by mistake and it kicks of I would really hurt someone. I should have left as well.
Later in the evening I walked passed him and we met eye to eye. He asked me what the f I was looking at and I should just jog on. I lost my temper and asked him again what he had said. I saw red but I didn’t attack him I provoked him and spat at him. I walked away, my niece by marriage said to me I can’t believe what he said to you and I relied but I’ve spat at him so this is my fault, she said your family and I saw what he did I will speak up for you. I went to the dance floor but my daughter came screaming after me and threw a glass at me which missed. Another niece took my hand and led me outside. The niece from earlier also came. We were talking about what happened when the boyfriend appeared in the door, he started to attack me but the niece fought him of, my daughter came fro the opposite direction and she attacked me. I phoned my middle daughter and I left. I know now my ex told my daughter to press charges against me. He went to all the family and sold them his story, I was ostracised from then on. The niece said she got to drunk and couldn’t remember what happened. My daughter and I havnt spoken since that day. She ultimately moved back in with my mum because family would allow her to stay with them but not her boyfriend. My mother allowed him it so that’s where she went.
my middle daughter and I went to Cuba alone with the little one. It was fraught and she could be spiteful to the little one. When we came back I confided in her dad. I think he changed what I’d said or at least made out to her I’d said really horrible things I don’t know she stopped talking to me. She wouldn’t return my calls or texts.
i know this is along message but I’ve done a terrible thing to myself. We agreed in 2015 we would divorce. I knew or felt like I was dying inside. On the way back from a trip I rebooked it for his birthday which is a week after mine. I asked him if that’s what he wanted and he said yes. On my birthday I got one card from my little girl. He told me he wasn’t doing birthdays any more. So even though I’d bought his gift in advance I wasn’t having one. Later I went in the garage and tried to tie a noose. I obviously didn’t but I knew I had to end the marriage. He asked me not to he promised he would change. I washed to believe him so I agreed. In October 2015 I had the hip replacement. The day after I came home I got up to find he’d gone out. I couldn’t get a drink. I had to wait hours for him to come back. He went to look for a car for his brother who lives in Africa who wasn’t in the country then or the very near future. On the Saturday 4 days later he said he was going out for a couple of hours. My girl stayed with me 2 hours isn’t long. He didn’t come back. We ate crisps and drank pop because I couldn’t get us anything. If I didn’t text him downstairs for a drink I woukdnt get one. He wouldn’t offer or come up and ask if I needed something. PI’m trying to get to the point I know this is going on, at 8.30 the next morning he asked if I wanted dinner I never eat at that time so I said no. At 1pm I found him eating dinner. I wasn’t asked if I wanted any. I believe he was using my incapacity to abuse me. No one would come to the house if he was there I had no other help. I phoned the police and insisted on them pressing charges. During the interview they asked if I’d ever been sexually....can’t remember how it was put. After reading Lindsay why do they do that I’d come to realise I was being sexually abused so when the police asked it blurted out. He wa arrested and removed.