Feeling stupid Jun 24, 2018 21:49:20 GMT via mobile
Post by Justme on Jun 24, 2018 21:49:20 GMT
So, I finally divorced my abusive ex last year. While going through that I became friends with a guy that I thought was just friends. However, I ended up falling head over heels for him. It was a very emotionally intense relationship but never moved to an intimate level. Looking back I can see where he was trying to get me involved with him, inviting all the time to his house while I was still with my ex. Always suggesting things but not pushing me either. I didn’t do anything I wasn’t comfortable with, like going to his house or staying over there when I was still married. He was always telling me how wonderful I was, building me up, saying how great of a person I was and how important I was to him. Within a very quick time of us starting to chat. I guess some of it, I was like that’s odd, but I brushed it off. Looking back there were many signs. Telling me was having his ex followed, bragging about his computer hacking skills, his paranoia and mistrust of everyone else, and how he kept himself and children isolated are just some of the bigger things I should’ve noticed. His ex left the kids with him and refuses contact with him. I have questions about why his ex isn’t even in contact with her kids. He always made it sound like she was crazy and abusive. Another red flag I should have picked up on. I have read Jerk Radar. Why didn’t I see all this? He seemed like the absolute perfect guy, every thing I could dream of, so I fell hard for him. Why now am I feeling so horrible and heartbroken that the “friendship” is ended, instead of being thankful that it wasn’t more involved than it was. I should be relieved I dodged that one, yet I’m depressed. My self esteem has taken a hit in several ways too. One, realizing that all those great things he said about me were just lies fabricated to gain my emotional connection to him. And, two, doubt in my own ability to tell when I meet another abusive person and not get sucked into the same old trap. It seems a couple decades plus with the ex wasn’t enough for me to figure it all out.