Post by Mila (Shocked) on Apr 22, 2018 1:46:37 GMT
Hi everyone. This is going to be very short, I'm still pretty tired. But I wanted to say I made it. 4 days and 2 blood transfusions later, I'm out of the ICU as of about 2 hours ago. The doctors said everything looks great, so no surgery. They said they were very impressed with how fast it's healing. I'm feeling so much better and if everything keeps improving, I'll be out of here on Tuesday.
It hasn't been easy, I've been having a lot of bad dreams and some flashbacks as I'm trying to get to sleep. I am going to begin seeing a counselor after I get out of here. I know I have a long road ahead but I'm not going to give in or give up.
He didn't win. His awful threats didn't work. He's in jail and has been denied bail so he's not getting out. I feel like I can breathe again.
Hi Mila, hugs to you my dear! And you are so right HE DID NOT WIN! And he NEVER will! They don't win, the only person who thinks they win is THEM and we all know how incredibly stupid they are. The threats did not work, and he is right where he needs to be, rotting. Yes, keep breathing! The best revenge against our abusers is to live a GREAT life. You deserve all the joy and happiness life can give you!
I am glad to hear you are physically healing well! Getting out will be good! And you are right, the road ahead may not be easy, it may be long. But to be honest, I have learned it isn't always about the destination, it is about the journey. It is a process to heal. AND that journey may have a lot of "ups and downs"..those good awesome moments, and some moments that are very low and hard. There may be days where you want to go back, where you miss the life you had (or at least the one you thought you had). It can be hard, but I can promise you, it is worth it!
It is going to be ok Mila..one day at a time, one step at a time, you got this!
A little update. I'm out of the hospital and back in my own house--yes! I will be back to work a week from Monday, on restricted activity for at least month. I have to have weekly check ups until my spleen is completely healed. I'm feeling pretty good physically. Emotionally, I'm not great--nightmares, anxiety, insomnia, all par for the course I guess--but I'm working on it. Yesterday, I met with the counselor who I was referred to by the local shelter and I think it went pretty well. I will see her on a weekly basis at least, but she said she's available for emergencies in between if I need. We'll see how it goes.
My ex's first case was settled down to 2 misdemeanors--assault and disorderly conduct. He got 6 months probation, beginning on his release date. He's still in jail and will be until my case is settled, which if it goes to trial will be at least 2-3 months.
I have gotten some good news from the DA. The found the car my ex was driving that night and the damage to its back end matches the damage to my car. Also one of my ex's friends came forward and told the DA that my ex had said several weeks ago that I had to pay for "messing" with him, and this friend is willing to testify. And the best news: he cannot plea this one down to a misdemeanor. He could plea it down to a lesser felony, but not to a misdemeanor. And the DA is pretty confident that my ex will go for the plea bargain. There is too much evidence against him at this point. Which means he might actually see the inside of a prison cell. Fingers crossed.
I've decided once my doctor clears me for it, I'm going to enroll in a firearms course. I never thought I'd think of buying a gun, but I'll say this. When he gets out, if he's stupid enough to show up, I won't be cowering in the closet this time, waiting for the police to arrive. And I won't ever be silenced again. I can't live like that.
Hi Mila, I am hoping he stays in jail for at least 2-3 months, the longer the better! Glad you are back home, and going back to work sounds really good! Glad you will have weekly check-ups, it will be good to make sure you are healing well!
Nightmares and flashbacks are all part of PTSD and so glad you got to see the counselor. You are doing all the right things! Heading in the right direction for you it sounds like. It all takes time, one day at a time, even one hour at a time.
That is also really good news about the friend being willing to be a witness! Let's hope he doesn't change his mind. There are a lot of decent people out there who will do the right thing and it sounds like this guy gets what the "right thing" is. SO glad your ex cannot get out of the Felony charge. Hope prison will keep him from hurting someone else.
I can understand your wanting to protect yourself. Everyone has to do what works for them. You deserve to be safe and to feel safe. owning a gun could definitely help you with this goal. My hope is that if that is what you choose to be safe, please follow all the safety precautions on how to use it, my fear would be it somehow being used against you. None of us have walked in your shoes or anyone else's for that matter. We all have to find our way and "Trust Our Journey". The last thing any of us want is to have to cower if around our exes.
Thinking of you Mila..keep going forward! Here's to healing, to fingers crossed that he stays where he is for a long time!
I have good news. My doctor told me that I'm almost healed already. He said I should get the all clear in the next couple of weeks and I'll be able to resume all my regular activities. It's been 4 weeks today since it happened. It's been a long 4 weeks and I'm still working through it emotionally but I don't regret fighting back at all.
I have to speak at a hearing in 2 days and I'm not sure I'm ready for it. I mean we've been over my testimony and I know what I'm supposed to say but he will be there and I'm not sure I'm ready to face him. I hope I don't have a panic attack or something. I'm just so tired of living in fear of him. Even though I know he'll be going to jail, I'm afraid he's going to keep on haunting me. I'm still having nightmares My counselor keeps telling me I have to give it time and I know she's right but what can I say, I'm not very patient. I've been doing good keeping busy during the day, avoiding too much caffeine and sugar and I take a hot bath at night and have a meditation I listen to to help me get to sleep at night, and those things all work for what they're meant for. But they don't stop the bad dreams. Nothing I do seems to. The closer I get to the hearing, the more often they are coming. I know it will get better eventually, hopefully after this case is over, but like I said it could be a few months and I don't know if I can go that long without decent sleep. Is there anything else I can try besides sleeping pills?
Hi Mila..YAY! So glad your body is healing and things are going in the right direction for that! Physically healing is such a good thing!
The hearing sounds like it will be stressful. I don't know if we are ever ready to be in that position and it has only been 4 weeks. The trauma is probably very fresh in your brain and that may be why you are still having nightmares. Your brain isn't ready to let it go yet. The PTSD is still very fresh. I don't know how to make nightmares stop except to stay awake and we can't do that. I have only taken a sleeping pill a few times and when I did it worked for me. It sounds like you are doing all you can to help your mind and body heal from all this. our I am not sure how to stop the nightmares. I know some people here have posted about them and it seems like as we heal emotionally, the nightmares tend to fade and eventually end. It does take time, and what works for one person, doesn't always work for someone else. It may take time until you know he is in jail and will stay there for a while. Our emotions need to heal and that is what your brain is trying to do. It really does take time.
One thing though that I did and it may help..write down your bad dreams. Meaning, put it out on paper what is happening in your dream. For me, it helped to get some of the bad memories and feelings I had about my exes out of my system. At least out of my head. Write down how you are feeling when you wake up, how are you feeling before you go to bed (are you anticipating a dream?) Our brains also start to become conditioned, meaning once we get into a habit or a routine of some kind, our grain starts to keep doing the same thing over and over again, but it becomes conditioned to think in a certain way. So, perhaps we have to learn how to "uncondition our brains. To break that habit so to speak. OR replace that anticipation of a bad dream with thinking something else before bed. AND reward yourself if you sleep through the night with no bad dream or nightmare.
Also, maybe try not to push yourself to heal so quickly. I know you are tired of feeling haunted by him and you are right it is very hard to be patient with our healing process. Sometimes we just want it to hurry up and be over. If you do go to court for the hearing, be prepared for some strange feelings to come out. It is going to be stressful (more than likely) and maybe your court advocate can help to minimize your time in talking ad being a witness (as well as the victim).
The other thing I was thinking of is maybe going to a hypnotist. Being hypnotized, sometimes can help the symptoms of PTSD. It is a horrible disorder and can take time to resolve. I wish I had a different answer about the nightmares, I don't know how they go away except over time.
The upcoming hearing is a huge stressor but it is another step forward to safety and freedom.
About the nightmares: they are horrible but try to remember that they are your brains attempt to organize and integrate what you have been through. As you heal, they will diminish. I can’t tell you the last time I had a nightmare and I am only 6 months out of a terrible nightmare. I dissociated a lot and it saved my functionality. But I know I have to integrate the trauma— I have a long way to go. But patience! You are making consistent progress. Look how far you have come already!
I suggest meditation before bed. Either just focus on in breath out breath and when thoughts interrupt just picture letting them go like a balloon (without judging yourself for having thoughts) and go back to focusing on your breathing, or do a guided meditation (google). I like to imagine my most peaceful scen in great detail — the feel of warm water at a beach, the sound of the waves, the smell of the sea, the clear blue of the water, the sensation of totally relaxing and being free.
I would try that before resorting to sleeping pills.