Post by janine on Jan 4, 2018 14:20:11 GMT
It's been almost ten years (September 2008) since I met my ex, who is an abuser. I left him in March 2009, so almost 9 years ago.
So much has changed since then. It was not easy, but it was the only way to get where I am now. Safe. Content. Happy.
I just started talking to an acquaintance who recently got out of a very abusive relationship, and even experienced public humiliation through newspapers.
An unbelievably abusive man, who played all the narcissistic tricks to manipulate and control. She is also out now. Healing. Talking to her brought it all back up for a moment. Not in a bad way. At this point all of that is nothing but a memory. I am no longer traumatized or scared or controlled by it. It's a lesson I learned, one I did not know I signed up for when I did. But I would not change a thing. The people I met through domestic violence are some of the most amazing helpers, supporters, compassionate souls I ever met.
You don't have to live like this, if you are still experiencing abuse and control. You were never meant to live like this. Looking back at those last -almost- 9 years....I see ups and downs. A university degree. A marriage with a kind man for over four years now. Therapy. Panic and anxiety attacks. Depression. Boundless joy. Sobriety. (from alcohol and toxic relationships and self-harming). I see a full life, focused on safety and growing.
None of this would have happened, had I stayed with Matt. The abusing sociopath, Matt. Someone once said to me "The best revenge is to live a good life." I no longer think of revenge. (I did back then, and often dreamed about scratching up his beloved car with my keys or worse) I no longer shame or blame myself for dating him. I know now why. Three years of therapy uncovered tons of things that went wrong in my childhood, and.....after all that....I am now healthier than ever. I used to think that was only for 'others'. Others who were less broken and damaged as me. Less of a failure than me. More disciplined, smarter, better people. Nope. Not true.
Healing and being healthy and happy is for everyone.
It is for you, too.
xoxoxoxox
He is still out there, abusing. Of course. I have been no contact for also almost 9 years. But two of his girlfriends after me reached out, and from what they told me, I can tell nothing ever changed. Of course not. May my legacy be one where most people I meet feel safe, seen, heard, and understood. I want to be remembered as kind as possible. And that is one heck of a better legacy than those abusers leave behind. Trails of traumatized women (and men!) and traumatized children. Healthcare costs. Legal system costs. It's quite a sad show they are putting up.
Just this morning, I read about how a man kicked a pregnant woman (his ex, of course) in the stomach on a public train. They did not arrest him, even though she had a restraining order against him. And in another country, a man was sentenced to seven years in jail for forcing his girlfriend to walk outside naked in the middle of winter, as he filmed her and then shared the video with her family and the public. Disgusting. Sociopaths.
Domestic violence may not have ended since I was its victim. But that does not mean all is in vain.
Things such as the court system do improve - slowly but surely. Domestic violence is slowly being taken more serious. It takes longer than I'd like to see it change, but.....I am hopeful about the future.
xoxoxox
A special shout out to one person from this forum who not only helped me, but literally hundreds, if not thousands of people in his career life, and online and via his book:
Steve...if you are out there still, please know that your support during those crucial weeks and months right after leaving....was a lifeline. I will literally NEVER forget you or how you helped me. And even let me contribute to your book, Jerk Radar. (I am "24, anonymous" in the book) When I think back or talk about my experienced back then...your name is always part of that story.
Thank you.
oxoxxoxo
So much has changed since then. It was not easy, but it was the only way to get where I am now. Safe. Content. Happy.
I just started talking to an acquaintance who recently got out of a very abusive relationship, and even experienced public humiliation through newspapers.
An unbelievably abusive man, who played all the narcissistic tricks to manipulate and control. She is also out now. Healing. Talking to her brought it all back up for a moment. Not in a bad way. At this point all of that is nothing but a memory. I am no longer traumatized or scared or controlled by it. It's a lesson I learned, one I did not know I signed up for when I did. But I would not change a thing. The people I met through domestic violence are some of the most amazing helpers, supporters, compassionate souls I ever met.
You don't have to live like this, if you are still experiencing abuse and control. You were never meant to live like this. Looking back at those last -almost- 9 years....I see ups and downs. A university degree. A marriage with a kind man for over four years now. Therapy. Panic and anxiety attacks. Depression. Boundless joy. Sobriety. (from alcohol and toxic relationships and self-harming). I see a full life, focused on safety and growing.
None of this would have happened, had I stayed with Matt. The abusing sociopath, Matt. Someone once said to me "The best revenge is to live a good life." I no longer think of revenge. (I did back then, and often dreamed about scratching up his beloved car with my keys or worse) I no longer shame or blame myself for dating him. I know now why. Three years of therapy uncovered tons of things that went wrong in my childhood, and.....after all that....I am now healthier than ever. I used to think that was only for 'others'. Others who were less broken and damaged as me. Less of a failure than me. More disciplined, smarter, better people. Nope. Not true.
Healing and being healthy and happy is for everyone.
It is for you, too.
xoxoxoxox
He is still out there, abusing. Of course. I have been no contact for also almost 9 years. But two of his girlfriends after me reached out, and from what they told me, I can tell nothing ever changed. Of course not. May my legacy be one where most people I meet feel safe, seen, heard, and understood. I want to be remembered as kind as possible. And that is one heck of a better legacy than those abusers leave behind. Trails of traumatized women (and men!) and traumatized children. Healthcare costs. Legal system costs. It's quite a sad show they are putting up.
Just this morning, I read about how a man kicked a pregnant woman (his ex, of course) in the stomach on a public train. They did not arrest him, even though she had a restraining order against him. And in another country, a man was sentenced to seven years in jail for forcing his girlfriend to walk outside naked in the middle of winter, as he filmed her and then shared the video with her family and the public. Disgusting. Sociopaths.
Domestic violence may not have ended since I was its victim. But that does not mean all is in vain.
Things such as the court system do improve - slowly but surely. Domestic violence is slowly being taken more serious. It takes longer than I'd like to see it change, but.....I am hopeful about the future.
xoxoxox
A special shout out to one person from this forum who not only helped me, but literally hundreds, if not thousands of people in his career life, and online and via his book:
Steve...if you are out there still, please know that your support during those crucial weeks and months right after leaving....was a lifeline. I will literally NEVER forget you or how you helped me. And even let me contribute to your book, Jerk Radar. (I am "24, anonymous" in the book) When I think back or talk about my experienced back then...your name is always part of that story.
Thank you.
oxoxxoxo