Yes, I did. I stepped into the worst situation I could have stepped into it. I just have to rescue the person I feel is being wronged.
My ex-husband, and his girlfriend are my friends on facebook. She was posting public posts that they are breaking up, and that he is taking advantage, and on and on bad posts about how terrible he is. I fell for it. My heart went out to her. I noticed people were knocking her down in the public posts. And, my ex-husband was thanking them (for knocking her down). My heart really went out to her. I sent her a private email. I told her stuff. She replied to my email with LOL.
I wouldn't care, but I don't want tension with our children who will take sides.
I know better, and I stepped right in it !!!
She didn't ask me personally for my opinion. But, on a public forum we get all kinds of responses when we put personal things out in public.
Hey Jeannie..you did what you thought was a good thing helping a woman who you perceived to need support. I too fell for my ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend when I thought she needed to be "warned" of his horrible acts. She listened for a bit and basically acted like I was some crazy woman. She tried to empathize..but she wasn't very good at it. She ended up marrying him and I honestly hoping she is wishing she had listened.
Please don't beat yourself up. You had every reason to believe she was being hurt by a man who treated you horribly. I am sorry she was nasty to you.
For me..I am not friends with my ex-husband or most of his family. I also have my ex-boyfriend and his now wife blocked on FB. Mostly because I know how curious I get and I don't need access to them to be easy. I have them both blocked from being able to send me any text messages or e-mails. I basically have tried to keep them out of my life in every way possible. I honestly hope they are miserable, and even if they are not? I don't want to know. May sound strange...but I get great comfort out of thinking that he and she are unhappily married and I am waiting for the divorce to happen. I do keep in touch with my ex=boyfriends' ex-wife. He cheated on her with me and that is how she came to leave him. I apologized to her for being the "other woman". She has thanked me several times for doing her a favor by breaking up a marriage that she said should have ended many years ago.
Interesting thought..I was looking at my ex=boyfriend on YouTube..he posts regularly there and anyone can view his music. I was thinking of him and our relationship a lot. I woke up this morning very grumpy and anxious and unhappy and I truly believe it is because I gave him attention. To get back on track..I have worked all day to put him out of my mind.
It is ok. Go forward when you are ready. It is ok to feel bad, but I don't see someone who made a mistake. I see someone who is caring and kind and doesn't want to see anyone else get hurt by her ex-husband. That isn't bad. Tomorrow is a new day. Lesson learned..let the feelings come and let them go when you feel ready. The best thing about healing is it is a process..and we go forward a few steps and sometimes we take a few steps back and that is how we learn and how we grow.
I agree with Karen..You're just a compassionate empathic person..nothing wrong with that..but this is why NO CONTACT is very important.It's mainly a protective thing for you..no messages..no social media..block block block block block every platform of communication that could be used/seen..is so important for you to heal..Same to you Karen..do not look for him on YOUTUBE..as you know the slightest thing can trigger a mental setback.My ex from the same town but have hardly seen him but he doesn't affect me now and that is because I blocked him and myself.It is hard but gets easier over time.I get people still telling me his business and that in itself was hard at first but now it just flies over my head..let them/him get on with it and just focus on myself.Focus on yourself ladies.
So true Sarah. I am kicking myself for meddling. She didn't believe a word I said anyway. I looked at my messages tonight on facebook, I had written that she posted on public wall, which is open for public opinion, and she responded by saying, It is all lies. I responded and I wrote Good Luck to you !!
Hey Jeannie..she will soon learn that you don't lie. Believe it or not, there is a chapter in Lundy Bancroft's book "Why Does He Do That?" that speaks of the very thing that happened to you. The new girlfriend becomes an "ally" to the ABUSER...meaning, she does her best to be better than you and the way to do that is to side with the ABUSER. When I tried to warn the new girlfriend/now wife..she didn't really believe me. She said she saw some weird things that he was doing and in fact she AGREED with me. She actually validated my feelings. (she had been abused before in a marriage..actually got beat up pretty bad.i learned this from people we both know). She then turned on my later.
I was kicking myself for trying to help her. NOW..I wish she would contact me because I would ignore her. Sadly, we have all been the "new" girlfriend and the ABUSERS have manipulated us into trying to be better than the one before us. I know I did that, I tried EVERYTHING I could to make sure I wasn't anything like the ABUSER's ex wife. She and I are friends now. She is nothing like the ABUSER painted her to be. AND I SIDED with him. I became his ally. I learned very quickly (after I had left) of what was really going on. Part of me wished she had warned me, and part of me knows I wouldn't have listened. I didn't know about DV enough to have been able to agree with what she would have been warning me about. I know now.
Jeannie..he will hurt her. He will abuse her and he will treat her like crap. THEY will not be happy..not in the sense that you and I have come to know now that we are free. Those before us..they were not happy. We were not happy. AND THERE is NO WAY this next girl will be happy. Before I blocked my ex and his now wife..I saw a picture of her in the swimming pool (same picture the ex took of me)..she had gained a lot of weight and she looked sad. She was very pretty when they got married 2 years ago. Now, she really looks overweight and sad. HE IS ABUSING HER..I will not believe that he isn't.
So, please don't beat yourself up. You are a really nice person, you were only trying to help a fellow potential victim..get out before it is too late. If nothing else..you PLANTED A SEED OF DOUBT in her head. She has to wonder..just wonder a bit if what you said just could be true. You may have planted a seed of doubt that will eventually cause her to leave. Honestly..yes..no contact is best, but what you did may actually have more positive than negative.
We learn, we grow, we move forward. It will be ok.