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Post by mick111 on Jul 19, 2017 15:17:31 GMT
Hi . I have been in an abusive relationship for some years now .we have three children together all if whom have seen mum's rage . I lost lost of my friends and I'm ashamed to say my family for staying with her . I seem to have lost most of my confidence . Over the years there have been violent outbursts from her where I have been on receiving end . Ranging from slaps and punches . To head butts. Bites . Gouging . She has cheated on me multiple times and when I have left she always coaxes me back with promises of it will never happen again . It would take me a week to write everything . She is currently on bail for assault to Injury on me . She has broken her bail conditions a couple of times . Yet police have not done anything . Any one else feel like because you are a man authorities don't seem to care ? Thanks
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Post by sara75 on Jul 20, 2017 4:17:55 GMT
am new just joined site my eyes have just opened after 27 years you have no reason to feel ashamed you are not the one being abusive it doesn't matter if your male or female both sexes can be the abuser am a mother off 4 been thru hell so many times i don't know who i am anymore or what i like many abusers have their reasons but after years and years off abuse that's just their excuses for the way they treat you but really that's the person they really are and always seem to blame it on they had a bad day or someone has put them in a mood my husband blames his mental health for way he is but i have just woke up its not its the way he is it was my 15th birthday when i met him he was 19 i was already a child at risk because off abusive parents he was a victim off abuse while in care i always felt i could deal with my past and just get on with it every beating or how i was treated was him saying its not my fault its what i went thru am a victim too but never would abuse anyone the way i was then it was blame it on the drink but everything is blamed on his past but i have learned his evil tongue happens a lot when he just wants his own way and if he don't get it then its kick off time by the way you say your kids hear and see the way she is too you i have learnt the kids follow the steps and coz they see her talking to you and treating you that way they will too mine aint towards me they all girls from 25 to 10 they talk to him how he talks to them and sometimes if i tell them off they say some off the evil words he says if i had somewhere to go i would keep your family and friends close no matter what she says i have none coz off way he is they dont stick around i hope you can find the fight to put you and your kids safety first i may be weak staying but i now stand up fighting back not by hitting i could never do that unless needs be i mean by standing my ground taking my life back my dad died few months ago he was evil mouthed was slagging my dad off 10 mins before i got call to say he was gone i flew to ireland alone didn't want him with me done it all myself as a only child made me think i felt such peace when was a away even dealing with the hardest time off my life i knew i could do it alone deep down we all have that strongness in us we just got to forget what they want and what do you really want for you and your kids
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Post by davidnorris105 on Aug 14, 2017 19:15:07 GMT
Sounds remarkably similar to my experience. Now My ex wife is already marrying again just three months after divorce. Another man will soon suffer at her hands. She will never ever change....
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karen
Member
"Trust Your Journey"
Posts: 1,518 
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Post by karen on Aug 15, 2017 3:07:48 GMT
Hi David..sadly you are right, your ex moved on quickly..it is a sure sign of being an ABUSER. They have to have someone to control and abuse..I have two exes..both moved on extremely quickly with replacing me. One met a woman and starting dating her 4 weeks later..6 months later they were engaged and married 2 months after that..exactly 8 weeks after he was divorced from his wife(not me, he cheated on her with me). I KNOW in my gut that he is abusing her as he did me and his wife before me. IT NEVER ENDs..only we can stop it by walking away and never looking back. My ex husband (was with him for 26 years total)..replaced me with his sister in a way. I took care of him financially, and took care of the house and home and kids. I made 3 times the amount of money he did..and now he lives with his sister because he can't afford to live on his own. He plays the VICTIM role of an abuser extremely well..I suspect he has been learning this since he was 5 years old(he is 65 now).
THEY NEVER CHANGE..I don't care what statistics say..I have yet to see one change. The only thing they change is who they are abusing. AND what never stops amazing me is how you can take an abuser..male or female..from two very opposite ends of the earth, they have NOTHING to do with each other and yet display incredibly similar behaviors. I read many of these posts here..people who live thousands of miles from me and I swear their partner who abused them was my partner too..incredible.
If you need to read more and learn more..try reading "Why Does He Do That"..by Lundy Bancroft. It is an incredible resource for victims of abuse. It even talks about how to live after abuse.
Thanks for sharing your story..we are hear to listen and help in any way possible.
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karen
Member
"Trust Your Journey"
Posts: 1,518
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Post by karen on Aug 15, 2017 3:17:31 GMT
Hi Mick..welcome here. Your experience is way too familiar. I honestly hope they lock your ex up and throw away the key. And that is even too good for her. Please don't feel ashamed, even though I know we all have felt that way at one time or another. It is not easy to just walk away. It is more than just walking away.
There is so much that goes on in our brain both emotionally and physically that keeps us "attached" to these abusers. I have been in 3 abusive relationships..each one got worse than the one previous. I stayed with my husband for 26 years. And he was a "jerk" for probably 23 of those years. Abusive I am sure for most of them. I didn't know any different. I thought that was how a marriage was supposed to work..and I was completely committed to him. I was raised as a Christian, and Divorce was never an option. It obviously became one...but not without significant guilt and doubt and it took me 2 years to finally decide to leave..then another 6 months to actually do it. AND 3 and 1/2 years after leaving..I still get upset about it all. I am still grieving my marriage dying.
All you are feeling and experiencing is very normal. You have been traumatized. I am not sure from your post if you and she are still together. Either way..anything we can do to help we will do.
My gut says to you..leave, grab your children and get as far away from her as you can. I know that is easier said than done. Being safe and protecting your children..that is what is important. Be safe if you can.
Doesn't matter if you are male or female. All people of different races, cultures, genders..all have the potential to be abusive. I think the laws need to be strict and not discriminate by gender..whether victim is female or male..everyone deserves to be safe and free from hurt and harm.
Thinking of you and hope things get better!
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