Post by Juliette on Jul 15, 2017 5:09:24 GMT
Hi, I've never posted here before, though I wish I had found it 3 years ago when I left my ex-boyfriend. He stalked me for about a month but I was lucky enough to get out quickly by moving across the country and he didn't bother me after that. But I went through a lot of trauma and PTSD because I thought I could get through it on my own. I finally started counseling a year ago and it's been a hard road, but I'm finally starting to feel like I'm making progress in the healing process.
Now, I've been taking yoga for the past 9 months, and one of the instructors is a good friend of mine. I've known him for a couple of years and he's been my rock through some tough times. A few months ago, his fiance started coming to yoga. I'd met her a couple of times and she was friendly and upbeat, but then there was about an eight month gap where I didn't see her at all until she showed up to yoga. He'd told me she seem depressed and he was trying to help her but she kept shutting him out. So when I saw her again I said hello and she smiled a little and said hello back but she didn't seem like she wanted to talk. She started coming 2-3 times a week and we were talking more and more. Nothing too personal, just small talk. But she wasn't like before. She seemed nervous I don't know how to explain it, I mean I hardly know her, but my gut said something was really off. Back on the 4th of July, we had our mats next to each other. She had one elbow bandaged up. She said she'd fallen on a hike. Later, her shirt slipped up in the back and I saw bruises. Dark ugly ones. I got a sick feeling but I didn't say anything. Later I mentioned it to my friend (her fiance) and he told me the same story. I've obviously judged men wrong before, but I just didn't believe he could have hurt her, so I let it go. Last week she came to class with a bruise on her face. Covered with makeup, but I could see it. Been there and done that. I debated what to do for a few days then i felt like I had to say something. She knew my story, not in detail but the basics, so I thought maybe she'd be open to listening. She got angry, flat out denied anything was going on and she said I was projecting my issues on to her.
The next day, she called me in tears and admitted it was true, but it wasn't her boyfriend who hurt her. She was seeing someone else, and it was him. And he's a friend of her family's. She said it started 9 months ago and it was just a drunken one-night stand. He wanted to keep seeing her and she said no. He badgered her for weeks and she agreed to meet with him one more time. Long story short, she fell for him and kept seeing him behind my friend's back. He hit her the first time seven months ago and she tried to break it off again but he persuaded her not to, making all of the promises abusers do. And he's recently resorted to blackmailing her, threatening to tell her parents and fiance about their affair. She's scared of him and wants to get away from him but she is too afraid my friend will leave her if he finds out. So she's going back and forth between the two of them and making excuses to my friend when the other guy beats her. I honestly don't think my friend has any idea. He's the type that wants to believe everyone is basically good and he loves her SO much and has been so worried about her.
I don't know what to do. Part of me is furious at her for cheating on my friend, and part of me is filled with compassion for her, and wants to help her. She tried to swear my to secrecy but I told her I couldn't. He's one of my best friends. I don't plan to tell him anything as of yet, but I feel like I'm lying to him whenever she comes up in conversation. It's all I can do not to blurt out the truth. I gave her the number for the domestic violence hotline and told her if she decides to turn the other guy in or to tell my friend the truth, I'm here for her. I can't be her sounding board while she's with the other guy, I just can't. I feel like I'm betraying my friend as it is. I go back and forth, over and over, one day I feel like I have to tell him and the next telling myself it's not my place, and it could just make everything worse. I saw new bruises on her arms tonight, and I almost lost it. I'm stuck.
Now, I've been taking yoga for the past 9 months, and one of the instructors is a good friend of mine. I've known him for a couple of years and he's been my rock through some tough times. A few months ago, his fiance started coming to yoga. I'd met her a couple of times and she was friendly and upbeat, but then there was about an eight month gap where I didn't see her at all until she showed up to yoga. He'd told me she seem depressed and he was trying to help her but she kept shutting him out. So when I saw her again I said hello and she smiled a little and said hello back but she didn't seem like she wanted to talk. She started coming 2-3 times a week and we were talking more and more. Nothing too personal, just small talk. But she wasn't like before. She seemed nervous I don't know how to explain it, I mean I hardly know her, but my gut said something was really off. Back on the 4th of July, we had our mats next to each other. She had one elbow bandaged up. She said she'd fallen on a hike. Later, her shirt slipped up in the back and I saw bruises. Dark ugly ones. I got a sick feeling but I didn't say anything. Later I mentioned it to my friend (her fiance) and he told me the same story. I've obviously judged men wrong before, but I just didn't believe he could have hurt her, so I let it go. Last week she came to class with a bruise on her face. Covered with makeup, but I could see it. Been there and done that. I debated what to do for a few days then i felt like I had to say something. She knew my story, not in detail but the basics, so I thought maybe she'd be open to listening. She got angry, flat out denied anything was going on and she said I was projecting my issues on to her.
The next day, she called me in tears and admitted it was true, but it wasn't her boyfriend who hurt her. She was seeing someone else, and it was him. And he's a friend of her family's. She said it started 9 months ago and it was just a drunken one-night stand. He wanted to keep seeing her and she said no. He badgered her for weeks and she agreed to meet with him one more time. Long story short, she fell for him and kept seeing him behind my friend's back. He hit her the first time seven months ago and she tried to break it off again but he persuaded her not to, making all of the promises abusers do. And he's recently resorted to blackmailing her, threatening to tell her parents and fiance about their affair. She's scared of him and wants to get away from him but she is too afraid my friend will leave her if he finds out. So she's going back and forth between the two of them and making excuses to my friend when the other guy beats her. I honestly don't think my friend has any idea. He's the type that wants to believe everyone is basically good and he loves her SO much and has been so worried about her.
I don't know what to do. Part of me is furious at her for cheating on my friend, and part of me is filled with compassion for her, and wants to help her. She tried to swear my to secrecy but I told her I couldn't. He's one of my best friends. I don't plan to tell him anything as of yet, but I feel like I'm lying to him whenever she comes up in conversation. It's all I can do not to blurt out the truth. I gave her the number for the domestic violence hotline and told her if she decides to turn the other guy in or to tell my friend the truth, I'm here for her. I can't be her sounding board while she's with the other guy, I just can't. I feel like I'm betraying my friend as it is. I go back and forth, over and over, one day I feel like I have to tell him and the next telling myself it's not my place, and it could just make everything worse. I saw new bruises on her arms tonight, and I almost lost it. I'm stuck.
