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Post by norma on Jun 20, 2017 4:04:28 GMT
I feel like the pressure of trying to prove I Have healed and to make a stable life after I have survived it so hard I feel guilty that I'm still affected my abusive X boyfriend makes me push my loved one away. I feel guilty that I'm still suffering pain because I'm free from the abuse so I should be grateful because some people never get free so it makes me stress so much that I feel failure in a way is week because I should take my life as a belessing and make the most of it.
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Post by Josie on Jul 1, 2017 1:50:13 GMT
Hi Norma,
I'm so glad you got away and that you're free and safe. My children & I were able to get away 3 years ago. Leaving was the hardest thing I've ever done (terrifying) and making it on my own hasn't been easy. I know how you feel, and I've expressed these feelings to my counselor who has been a lifeline to me. She says that the abuse didn't just happen once and then stop, it happened consistently for many, many years. We can not expect the trauma and damage to just go away overnight or once we are free from it. She told me it's like a tattoo. It's possible for it to be removed, but it will take time and it will be painful.
You are not a failure. You are working on putting your life back together after having the life sucked out of you. I hope you can find a good counselor who will help guide you through your journey to healing.
I understand your feelings when you say that you should be happy because you are free from the suffering and others are not. I've often felt the same way. Perhaps you could do something for others as a way to lift your spirits. For example, so many people helped me along the way when I first left. I will never be able to repay them, but I can pray for them and their families every night and I can also pay it forward for others in small ways. Perhaps help a distraught mom pay for groceries and diapers, pay for someone's lunch or dinner at McDonald's, or offer to babysit for a mom out there who just needs a break. There are so many opportunities out there, so many hurting people.Just one simple act of kindness can mean so much and will ease the burden you are carrying.
I hope this helps and encourages you. Love & prayers to you.
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karen
Member
"Trust Your Journey"
Posts: 1,518 
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Post by karen on Jul 4, 2017 21:05:43 GMT
Hi Norma..I agree with Josie and I too can relate to how you are feeling. I struggle more now to be independent and on my own than I ever thought it would be. I too thought..ok I am free..I should be "over it". I can't tell you how many times my sister has said to me to "let it go" or "that is all in the past, move on". It isn't as easy as it sounds.
I don't believe we ever get over it. We don't forget. In fact..I believe that we learn to live with the past and how it has affected the present and our future. I have been away from an abusive ex-boyfriend for almost 3 years and I was married and in a relationship with my husband for over 24 years..24 years of living with a person who treated me terribly at times, a person who played the role of the "victim" so well that it became my "norm". All that damage that was done hasn't gone away. Have I gotten better? I have begun to heal? Yes...I have. But I am not the same person I was and I will never be who I was before. When I was married..I learned to live with a jerk of a husband. I eventually left him and walked right into another more abusive relationship. I was so desperate to be loved..that I got hooked and moved in with a guy I met through online dating. I was only with him for about a year...and the damage that was done, on top of the damage from my ex-husband..it was too much to handle.
I learned to heal, I learned to better myself, and to be stronger and smarter. I haven't yet learned how to get past feeling guilty for uprooting my children and leaving their Dad. It was the very best thing I ever did..but it came with many thoughts and feelings that I am still dealing with. Somedays, I honestly think maybe it would have been easier if I just stayed. At least I knew how to live that life, this one is freeing and wonderful, but it has taken me a while to be confident and comfortable in my own "new " me.
BUT the good thing is...we get there. We get to that good place, we just have to give ourselves a break and take it one day at a time. I am so much happier, I know I made the best decision for my daughters and myself. My heart sometimes just feels things differently. For now..I am choosing to listen to my head...my heart will catch up..that I know!
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