|
|
Post by Jamie on Mar 1, 2017 6:30:03 GMT
Help, I don't know what to do. I don't know if I even belong here. My fiance and I moved in together a year ago. Things were so good and I thought I was doing the right thing. The last six months things have imploded. We argue all the time, he says it's normal. But is it normal for it to go late into the night--2 & 3 & 4 in the morning? He's even kept me up all night before. I will BEG him to please let me sleep and he says no, not until we work it all out. If I fall asleep, he will wake me up by shaking me or grabbing my arms and pulling me up, slapping my face, not hard but enough to wake me back up. A few months ago, I woke up and he was on top of me, having sex with me. I let him finish because I didn't want another argument. He said he didn't do anything wrong because I didn't tell him to stop. Since then it's happened once a week at least. Once I threatened to call the police if he didn't stop but I never did. The next time, he was really rough to where he left bruises. He said that was for threatening him. Last week we had a really bad argument and he left me alone long enough for me to fall asleep then he came in and started shaking me. I woke up but I was face down so I pretended to still be asleep. He got so mad he started hitting me with a plastic hanger until I couldn't pretend anymore. I tried to leave after that but he talked me down, he said he went too far and he was sorry and I was too tired to fight him. I'm exhausted all the time. I'm constantly getting sick. I have mono right now and feel like I've been hit by a truck. That hasn't stopped him either. He always makes me feel like in overreacting or that it didn't happen the way I remember. I give in because I'm too worn out to keep going. I don't know what to do. I just want him to stop.
|
|
janine
Member
Admin
Posts: 1,185 
|
Post by janine on Mar 2, 2017 0:15:18 GMT
Hi Jamie and welcome here,
It sounds like your partner is very abusive, and now might be a good time to call a DV hotline from a safe phone.
Make sure to cover your tracks, including your internet browsing history. Use a safe computer he cannot check. Use a neighbor's phone or the phone of a trusted family member or friends to call your local or national DV hotline.
I am concerned for your safety and well-being.
What he did is domestic violence and rape/sexual abuse which is illegal and a criminal offence.
You will feel better as soon as you get a break from his abuse. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture and it is crazymaking.
No wonder you feel like you are living in a brain-fog and cannot think clearly.
Abusers do this on purpose so that they can abuse you without you having the energy to fight it.
But you can fight it.
Stay safe and remember that leaving is the most dangerous time for a woman living with an abuser.
The DV hotline can work with you on a safety plan, whether you want to leave right now or later.
You do not have to live like this.
Love does not feel like this.
He is an abuser and this is not your fault.
He will never change and your health and life are in danger in this relationship.
No man is worth losing your health, mind, or life.
You got this.
Trust yourself.
|
|
karen
Member
"Trust Your Journey"
Posts: 1,518
|
Post by karen on Mar 4, 2017 16:21:44 GMT
Hi Jamie, I am so sorry this is happening to you. BUT I am really glad you are realizing that something isn't right and needs to change. Also very glad you came here looking for answers. I know we can help you.
Janine speaks of good things. It sound like to me that being safe is the first priority. Your partner sounds very abusive and is hurting you in ways that are criminal. Sex without your consent is rape and talking yourself out of this thought is all part of the abuse he has inflicted on you.
Calling a DV hotline is incredibly smart. Your partner has potential to hurt you, even kill you. I know this is all hard to take in, as I am sure you love him and can't believe he is hurting you on purpose, but he is.
The guy he "pretended" to be in the beginning, was probably not genuine, it was to get you to fall in love with him, to get "hooked" on him and it worked. Now, you are seeing the "real" him and it is not good.
PLEASE be safe. Trust your gut as Janine said...you know what is happening isn't right. AND it really is not your fault, you didn't cause this, you are not overreacting, you are SPOT ON in your thought that this is wrong. The only way it will stop is for you to leave and not go back. TRUST YOU!
Please let us know how you are. It will be ok.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jamie on Mar 10, 2017 6:30:17 GMT
It happened again. I had 103 fever and was trying to sleep it off and he just wanted to argue with me about taking this medicine to help me sleep (isn't that ironic?) that I can't take because it upsets my stomach. So I finally take it because I thought then he'd leave me alone and maybe I could actually sleep. Instead he crawls on top of me and I tell him no, so he gets off, but 20 minutes or so later when I'm almost out, he's back on and I was too out of it to say anything. I think he was still on top of me when I passed out. And he pulls me out of bed six hours later. I called my mom but she can't be here for a couple of days. He found out I called her, though he doesn't know she's coming, and now he's been trying to sweet talk me and be all nice. He even let me sleep all night last night. I know what he's doing. I just hope I have the strength to do what I have to do when my mom gets here.
|
|
janine
Member
Admin
Posts: 1,185
|
Post by janine on Mar 10, 2017 13:18:23 GMT
You can also call the police if you need help before your mom gets there.
DV shelters offer free accommodation and financial aid, as well as counseling.
Even if you had no family member or friends, there is help out there.
Stay safe now.
That is the most important thing.
If you call a DV hotline, use a safe phone has cannot check.
If you leave, be extra smart about it.
Abusers often escalate when they realize you see them for what they really are and are about to leave.
Most women who are severely injured or die, are harmed while attempting to leave or after leaving the abuser.
You don't have to live like this.
If it is not safe, or if you want out before your mom gets there, there is help.
Call the local or national DV hotline. It will be a relief and they can help you come up with a safety plan.
|
|
|
|
Post by brownie on Mar 14, 2017 3:52:50 GMT
My heart breaks for you. I understand and remember those times. I know this, they never stop and the demanding only grows and gets worse. It is true that it is very hard to think clearly. I'm so sorry and please consider leaving but I would have what you really need in one bag and have it ready when your mom arrives and don't even have her come in the house just go! Please be safe
|
|
