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Post by sarah on Feb 21, 2017 0:42:43 GMT
Hello again..Just want some thoughts/imput. This morning quite early I had missed 'witheld' phone call.And the same again two hours later.Now my gut feeling told me it was him. In the afternoon I called on a friend who happens to know my ex and he visited him in the morning because my ex wanted a private chat(bear in mind my ex only bothers with this person when we're not together).My friend tells me that the chat was just about my ex's previous arrest(unrelated to me) but he did question whether I'm seeing anybody else.Now my ex is OBSESSED with this thought.Now what worries me is I do have male friends and luckily he has'nt seen me out on the rare occasion of having a coffee with one or speaking to a male because I know he will jump to the wrong conclusion and with him being so delusional and unpredictable that does worry me.And what if I did ever meet someone?I will speak with my support worker and the officer dealing with my case about my concern,I just want your thoughts.. Coincidently,the police had his phone to check his records and it was given back to him today too but he apparently got a new one and number and it's been quiet until today. I did look up on the CPS website and it states that this type of behaviour is stalking as he's checking my motives through others and he has always said that if I was ever seeing someone then there would be trouble.
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janine
Member
Admin
Posts: 1,185
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Post by janine on Feb 21, 2017 12:21:49 GMT
Yes, this is stalking. Now I am not sure if in the legal sense in your case and jurisdiction, but trying to get information and keeping tabs through a third party is the same as if he was doing it directly. You can include third party members in a restraining order for example. I did that with a friend of mine because my ex threatened to shoot her.
You can call a DV hotline as well or ask the victim's advocate at the court for your case.
I am hoping this is the last you will hear from him. Stay safe and live your life. Eventually most abusers move on to new victims fairly quickly when they realize they have no chance of getting to you and you stick with 'no contact' 100%.
This sucks, doesn't it. I promise it will pass. You will get your full life back and you won't always have to look over your shoulder. Have you ever thought about maybe moving as well? I moved when I left my ex and it was the right decision for me. It's not for everyone, but we have had members on the forum transfer universities and move to new states or even countries, or back home to their old city or country or state.
You don't have to make any big decisions today or tomorrow or even next week or month. Whatever feels right and safe and healthy, that is the right path.
We are always here if you need an ear.
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Post by sarah on Feb 22, 2017 4:23:21 GMT
I am not moving.If anyone's going to move,it can be him to a prison cell. Well today I visited a friend and another male friend of mine was there and all day he had been hassling two of my male friends by constantly ringing to try and find out if I slept with one of them!This has been an obsession of his since December because one of my friends crashed over at mine because he drank to much(I was'nt even with the ex then either).My friend ended up speaking on the phone to the ex to clear it up.The ex was'nt happy with that-he wanted to see my friend.So my friend agreed to go and see my ex.The ex was too impatient and came to where we all were and because I was there he did'nt get in and my friend met him outside.Now for some reason they went back to my ex's flat and time was getting on and me and my other friend was getting concerned as my ex is volatile and unpredictable..after about 45 mins my friend calls up my ex to check up and everything seemed fine.I heard my ex say "don't tell Sarah as she'll go running straight to the Police and I'm not supposed to breach my bail by doing this".At that point I could'nt stop smiling and thinking what a mindless idiot.Anyway,I DID report it-the Police had'nt a clue if it was a breach as he did'nt contact me or try converse to me-even though I was told 3rd party contact is one of them but he did get a warning(as usual)and it'll be on record for going to court.I told them my main concern was what if I'm seen with a friend but yet again it seems something has to kick off before any notice is taken. g
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janine
Member
Admin
Posts: 1,185
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Post by janine on Feb 24, 2017 16:13:49 GMT
I am glad to hear you reported this incident to the police. Way to go! Most abusers do tend to back off and leave their old victims alone once the police gets involved again and again. They need easy prey and want someone who can be controlled and manipulated. You see through his tactics and games by now.
It is not always easy, but leaving an abuser is the only way to live a safe, calm, and healthy life. Abusers bring unnecessary suffering and drama.
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