Does my ex have to consent to therapy for our children?

Hi Treaclequeen and welcome here,

He is trying to manipulate you and her to get control and power.
I would consult with a lawyer or at least call a DV hotline right away to get legal advice that applies to your country/state.

A therapy / client relationship is confidential and I am 99.9% he has no right to have a say in this.
Fuck him and his behavior. Your daughter needs therapy from what you described and it is none of his business.

If i were you i'd limit what you share with him as much as possible. Abusers will always try and get control.
It is never about your best interest or your daughter's.

I am sorry this happened. It is not your fault.
You did nothing wrong.

You are doing all the right things.
Keep the emails and if he keeps on pushing for more info or uses the excuse 'to only want confirmation you received his previous email' let a lawyer handle it.

This is hard and I am sorry it happens.
The good news is that the older your daughter gets the less he will have even the last bit of control he now has left.

If you haven't yet, I can highly recommend counseling. It was a lifeline for me and really helped me to work through the abuse of my ex, and previously ongoing emotional abuse from a family member.

We dont have to do that hard stuff in life alone.
There is help and we deserve it.

Hi Treaciqueen, as Janine said..welcome! We are here to help anytime you need anything. To answer your question, I too would suggest consulting an attorney and calling your Local DV hotline and can seek legal advice that way also.

I am divorced with 2 daughters. I have a separation agreement(which became my divorce agreement) with my ex and I would have to read mine, but I  am pretty sure I don't need his consent, I only need to notify him. YOU did what your court order said and that is all I would do. If you are obligated to update him on her "wellness and health", then I would keep it very simple, I would only do it through e-mail so you have it in writing and it is dated, and you can request a read receipt, that way you know he saw it. I know he is doing something similar. Doing the "read receipt" only says you got it. You don't have to answer, and if you are obligated to answer, again, keep it short and sweet and to the point. I would only address what he put in his e-mail. Nothing more. I only communicate with my ex-husband via e-mail. He never responds, but I do the read receipt and that way I know he got it. My daughter is older...she is 16 and it also says in our divorce papers that she determines when she sees him. He doesn't have set days or times and we both agreed to leave it up to our kids as to when they choose to see him. She hasn't seen him since just after Christmas. That is her choice. I don't interfere. I only follow what is written in our agreement.

If you are doing only what you are obligated to do, then that is sufficient. I would not go out of my way to meet any of his demands. He wants control..well too bad, he can't have it. I would also reassure your daughter that he is not allowed to have any information about what is talked about between her and her therapist. Unless she is at risk for hurting herself or someone else, it is confidential. Therapist shouldn't talk to you about her either. I would suggest if there needs to be information exchanged, that it be done as a group session..you, your daughter, and the therapist only. My daughters have control over what happens to them post divorce. They have control now and they like that and deserve it.

Stay strong...you got this!